Lessons I’ve Learned from a Traumatic Childhood..

Lessons I’ve Learned from a Traumatic Childhood: A Survival Guide to Growing the Hell Up

Childhood trauma. It’s the kind of thing that sneaks up on you when you least expect it, like that awkward family reunion moment when wonder if you’re the only one still hung up on your childhood. But here’s the thing: trauma, dysfunction, and all the other fun stuff we go through can either break us or teach us. And in my case, it did the latter. It didn’t happen overnight, but through the wreckage, I learned some of life’s hardest but most essential lessons. So, buckle up for a wild ride through the lessons I’ve learned from my not-so-picturesque childhood, complete with emotional scars and hard-earned wisdom.

1. Everybody is Wrong & Everybody is Right (Yes, Both Can Be True)

Let’s face it: we love being right. It’s human nature to think our perspective is the one and only truth. But let me tell you—after years of diving headfirst into arguments with people I cared about, I realized something life-changing: everybody’s wrong and everybody’s right. Wait, what? Yeah, I know, it sounds like I’m playing mind games here but hear me out on this one. Growing up in a dysfunctional household, I didn’t have the luxury of discussing issues openly. My knee-jerk reaction? Defensiveness, condescension, and a whole lot of emotional walls. But the moral of the story: you don’t have to be right to make progress. If you’re willing to listen, empathize, and accept that the other person’s experience matters, you can coexist with your differences. It doesn’t mean surrendering your stance—it means embracing nuance. And trust me, the world needs more of that, especially in today’s political climate.

2. Listen Attentively

We’ve all been there: nodding along while secretly plotting our next counter-argument. Guilty as charged. But here’s the thing: conflict is good. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s essential. In fact, conflict is one of the key ingredients in personal growth—don’t believe me? According to a study by the Journal of Conflict Resolution, resolving conflict in relationships leads to greater intimacy and trust. So, why do we keep avoiding it? It’s easy to appease the other person, nod and say “Okay, sure,” but that’s toxic. You’re not helping them, and you're not helping yourself. If you’re uncomfortable with a situation, ask questions and be curious. Don’t just ignore the conflict, because unresolved issues are like ticking time bombs waiting to detonate. The reality is, listening attentively not only helps the other person feel seen—it also helps you grow as a human being.

3. You’re Not Wrong for Speaking Your Feelings—Even If It’s Uncomfortable

The silent treatment—my old childhood frenemy. Growing up in a home where conflict was never addressed, I learned that feelings were meant to be stuffed, repressed, and ignored. Guess what? That’s not how healthy relationships work. You know why? Because people who don’t express their feelings are just walking time bombs, waiting to explode in the most inconvenient of moments. Studies in psychosomatic medicine show that unexpressed emotions contribute to anxiety, depression, and health issues. When you keep things bottled up, your body keeps score. So, don’t be afraid to speak up. Assert your needs. I learned the hard way that talking about issues as they arise is the only way to avoid the ticking emotional grenade that eventually blows up and ruins relationships. Trust me, you don’t want to be that person who suddenly erupts over a spilled cup of coffee because they’ve been silently stewing over it for weeks.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for What You Want (Because Quiet Mouths Don’t Get Fed)

Listen, I get it. We’ve all been there—too scared to ask for what we want because we don’t want to seem needy, entitled, or just plain demanding. But here’s the harsh truth: if you don’t ask, you won’t get. Simple as that. We live in a society that tells us to be humble, quiet, and passive, but you know what happens when you do that? You get walked all over. The self-limiting belief that “if I don’t ask, I’ll be fine” is a myth that keeps you stuck in mediocrity. I’ve learned the hard way that asking for what you want is the key to creating meaningful connections. Whether it’s emotional support, financial help, or just basic human decency—ask for it. The give-and-take of relationships is healthy, and it makes you feel valued. Don’t wait around for others to read your mind—speak up.

5. Your Self-Concept is the Foundation of Everything

Ever stop to wonder what your self-concept is or looks like? This kind of stuff we rarely talk about, but it’s basically the lens through which you view the world. Ever considered why some people have amazing relationships, jobs, and life situations while others are stuck in a cycle of bad patterns? Here’s the secret: it’s all about how you see yourself. During the pandemic, I had a spiritual awakening (don’t worry, I’m not about to try to sell you crystals). But what I realized—through teachings from people like Shelly Bullard and Neville Goddard—is that your self-concept dictates your life’s experiences. Self-love isn’t just a hashtag—it’s the root of your relationships. Look at the people around you. Do they lift you up, or are they reflecting the low self-esteem you’re carrying around? Your self-worth is the filter through which all your relationships are projected, so start there because your relationships will mirror that back to you automatically. 

6. Don’t Be Afraid of Change—It’s the Only Constant

Some people are allergic to change. But let’s be honest, if you’re stuck in a rut because you’re afraid of the unknown, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Trust me, I know the fear. At 13, my whole world was flipped upside down, and I spent the next few years in a perpetual state of change. The upside? I learned to be adaptable. The downside? I still wish I could have avoided the chaos. But in retrospect, I’m grateful. Why? Because change forces you to grow. People often stay in toxic jobs, bad relationships, or unhealthy situations because they fear the unknown. Sure, change can lead to something worse—but it can also lead to something far better. You’ll never know unless you take the leap. And when you stumble? Guess what? You’ll get back up. Humans are more resilient than they think. Don’t let the fear of the unknown keep you stuck in mediocrity.

7. Don’t Let Yourself Change into Someone You’re Not

Let’s talk about survival instincts. Throughout my youth, I was forced to shut down my authentic self to fit into a world that didn’t make sense. I switched off my creative brain, turned down the volume on my intuition, and conformed. But guess what? It took years to rediscover who I actually was. And you know what? I’m finally back to the person I was meant to be. Don't let life turn you into someone you're not. Stay true to your essence. Meditate, reflect, and peel back the layers that life and other people have put on you. The world will try to shape you into its image—but don’t let it. Reconnect with your authentic self. The real you has always been there, just waiting for you to notice.

Final Thoughts

Look, I know these lessons come with a side of hard truth, but that's life, right? Trauma can either make you or break you—it’s your choice. These lessons didn’t come easy, but they’ve transformed the way I approach relationships and life. If any of this resonates with you, maybe it’s time to take a step back, reflect, and start making healthier choices. Trust me, you’re worth it.

#trauma #growth #relationshipadvice #development #healing